I went to the oasis and sped up a high steep slope, only to realize when I reached the top that the other side was so gradual and I could have climbed it much more easily. I laughed and sat on the spine of it.
I watched the distant hills turn purple, trading the color amongst themselves as the sun hit at different angles and pulled through the clouds.
I saw the town miles away and could hear taxis honking, and saw a slow smoke billowing up from the city, still in shadow and looking cold and wintery, though it was 80 degrees. It was the stillness from far away, like white caps on the sea out of your airplane window. I watched kids sled down a high slope to my left. They were far off and tiny, and I could hear their laughing and shrieking.
I lay with my neck over the ridge of the slope and looked upside down at the many splots of clouds, and then I lay on my stomach with my chin in the sand and made ridges of my own, and tried to see the gains closer, as more than what they were. But they were just grains- brown, white, tan. I asked myself isn’t it strange how many there are? It is strange.
I was surprised at how beautiful the patterns I made with my hands were. They came out like blades of grass at the base of a flower, and I only simply slid my fingers across.
I was always waiting for someone to tell me I had the answer.
The sun took a few drops of sweat from me
and the aquarium darkness took its chill from the museum panels and frozen clams
Now I am older and my eye is at the corner of my forehead, its pink angle becoming a string along the part of my hair.
I lie awake
and juggle the sloppy clouds and hills, billowing like overflowed ketchup back into a bottleneck
About everything
I’m nervous about flying to New Mexico! I’m nervous about flying to Ecuador
I’m nervous about what everyone thinks of me! I’m nervous about whether I can pull off school again
I’m nervous about switching my major
I’m nervous about getting altitude sickness
I’m nervous my guitar will go out of tune while I’m gone
I’m nervous about talking to the people I admire
I’m nervous if I can sing in front of anyone
I’m sad about saying bye to my dad and my dog and my brother and my mom and sister :’(
I have such a nervous feeling in my stomach
